It does not return of course those of us who do permit another to have their say find out quickly that the courtesy. It can happen on both ends. Sadly for all of us, we get nowhere in our communication attempts. We promote anger, frustration, anxiety, resentment, loud voices, feelings of guilt, a variety of illnesses and sleepless nights.
When you feel overwhelmed like when your at the bottom of the barrel scraping your way out, adrenaline kicks in and animal instincts override. Those instincts ensure our safety and survival when we are in the wild and encounter dangerous situations. Defiance may manifest when we are angry at someone and feel squashed by their intrusiveness. Immediately we go into high gear and deflate them with nasty retorts. It does make them back off but we have created probably more problems than we started with. Other times we may be on overload because of our many obligations.
So many people were complaining about not having time for this job and that responsibility. It was so bothersome that many were almost immobilized with anxiety. They felt like they just did not have enough energy for anything or anyone. The result was total restraint from accomplishing something.
These individuals believed they did not measure up to others which added more reproach. They believed that if they worked harder or longer or focused more it would make a difference in the outcome.
I was thinking about how many little things are done for me by others. It made me realize what a great support system I have and how little I have respected it or was grateful. I didn’t want to feel guilty which only sucks energy so I began to mull it over instead.
I thought about how many times others call to check on me or my family, or offer to help me do things I can’t handle myself. I thought about birthday cards surprise visits and friendly texts or e-mails. When I mention I am having a bad time at that moment in my life I am surrounded with support. It may not always come exactly the way I planned but it refreshes soothes and turns my day around.
I have decided to remove the guilt trapped in my mind. I am not sure how I will do it but after it is removed I will attempt to keep it at bay. I hope I don’t feel guilty if I fail. It appears that most of us on any given day can find numerous things to feel guilty about. Some of us even let others pile on the guilt as if we didn’t give ourselves enough to feel guilty about.
At Holiday get-together s we sometimes spend more time worrying about the family we will be interacting with, than the simple pleasure of their company. We are wasting a happy occasion with our non-stop anxieties. Many of these fears are of our own making and actually carry no weight. Other family members who are also attending are probably bringing their own set of worries. All of us are oblivious to each other because we are focusing on our own thoughts about the Holiday. Likely we all feel insecure about ourselves and it registers with fear, anxiety, distrust, and worry. We are not paying the slightest attention to others. We are solely focused on ourselves and our concern of the judgments of others. If we could simply view the Holiday gathering with different eyes we might be able to enjoy the upcoming event. My best to you with this endeavor. I offer a few of my insights on family bonding.
At times, we may give freely of our advice and listening ear but sometimes we deplete our own resources. We are not always aware of how easily they take our energy. Likewise, we can deplete our own energy when we spend so much time reflecting on the hurts and insults we received throughout the day. In order to release these harmful thoughts, we must review the positive remarks others have sent our way and drop the negative emotions tied to any words or actions sent our way.
Bringing up children goes beyond our wildest thoughts about what parenthood means. If the funds are low it is essential to find ways to make save and use our income frugally. Competing for our children’s love by purchasing toys is never a good solution for any parent. Toys should never be used manipulatively as a way to apologize for our anger or obtain our children’s love or attention. Our children’s love cannot be bought.
The other day someone asked me about my definition of humility. That was tough. I thought and thought for days and kept trying to come up with something that made sense to me. I know what it isn’t but it is hard to describe what it is. When you get a compliment don’t say I never really do look this good, or this dress has been hanging in my closet for twenty years. That is not humility as some of us might think. It almost seems the opposite.