It is assumed that any kind of speech is acceptable in any kind of situation. Many people are forced to be the recipients of such language. At times, innocent children, not even having a quarter of their growth completed, are subjected to the foulest of language and are at the mercy of people they love. Language can be used to profess love and kindness and support and sympathy. It may also be used to foster negativity as well a dehumanization of one’s life and soul.
Manners is more than please and thank you although it is nice to be at the receiving end of a thank you. In order to have real manners one needs to extend empathy, compassion and awareness of others. If one cares about another and feels for their situation then one jumps in to lighten their load. For instance, if you see a pregnant woman on the bus who doesn’t have a seat, then you might give up yours. Someone with a tremendous amount of bundles might inspire you to hold open a door. Manners almost becomes innate if a person has been taught to have a regard for other people.
Are we tossing kids out with the garbage after the divorce? I recently had my 3rd book published “TUMBLEWEED KIDS” and have been teaching for many years. Being a teacher for many years put me on the front lines in observing the mistreatment of children. The over 40 true heart wrenching stories tell the kids side of the story. The stories tug at the heart while providing examples of the effect parents have on their children. During a conference the parents told me they did not know why their son was not focused.
Being an observer, I noticed how many of us get fired up about things that are aggravating or upsetting. We tend to dwell on those issues that anger us. The more we think about it and discuss it, the stronger the flame gets. It makes us want to correct the problem or so we think. So we lash out at the object of our perceived frustration throwing all of our blaze at them. We watch as our opponent burns to ashes. We walk away satisfied. On our way back to sanity we convince ourselves or try to convince ourselves that they deserved it, and maybe even made us do it. we were correct to retaliate.Have you ever noticed that after our storm, we have an uneasiness in our system that won’t go away?
It takes perseverance to steer and guide the child throughout their childhood. Iron-clad skin is a must, along with the ability to exhibit extreme effort in most circumstances. Demonstrating an endless capacity to forgive, and to be dependable twenty-four seven are definite qualifications.
We cannot omit a limitless time for talking and listening and patience when we have none left. It is necessary to show restraint especially when it is least deserved. Sharing a quiet stillness when they are young, and more importantly as they grow older, will be required.Last, we have to put our children’s needs first before our own. It is essential to model the virtues of kindness, patience, responsibility, honesty, truthfulness, forgiveness, gentleness, and empathy if we aspire to see it in our children.
When one feels the smoldering inside of them because another person has ignited some kind of fear, the first thing we might do is question ourselves. That may sound ludicrous but an immediate question may find the reasons why we begin to flare up in anger. I am by no means saying our annoyance is due to another person’s agitation. Just because another person infuriates us does not give us the right to speed our temper. Controlling our anger is our problem.
Fear can and does take over our lives. Chunking down our fears shows us they are unfounded in almost every situation. Let’s face it, we are paying a terrible toll for what most likely will never occur. We may pity the person who is afraid of heights or afraid to go into crowds yet we don’t notice our own shortcomings regarding fear. We fear another getting the better of us so we contradict what they say. later we regret what we said and more anxiety prevails. We add some guilt on top of the fear. It might be easier for us all if we make a conscious attempt to think before we speak. Once we’ve spoken we need not wonder about worthiness or repercussions of our actions.
I keep coming back to fear because more mothers-in-law (MIL) and daughters-in-law (DIL) ask questions that are basically loaded with their fears. they do not specifically say I fear this or that but it blazes through their questions. DIL’s fear losing control, measuring up, and losing their husbands love. They worry about being number one. MIL’s fear losing their son and grandchildren. they angst over losing their sons’ confidence in them because of feeling undermined with truth stretching by their DIL. I think that love, jealousy and power are the culprits. We don’t have to be a MIL or a DIL to want these things. We are too wrapped up in power and control.
Unchecked power and control breed the destruction of others. It doesn’t make a difference if one begins with high motives. Handling power is troublesome which is why few people can pull it off and maintain their humility. At times we might resort to the ends justifying the means. Nothing worthy is ever accomplished overnight. It is a slow-growing process. Taking the shortcut predisposes one to compromise.