Just as easily as one can take a cookie from a child, an adult can snub another. I have heard some say that the other person was so irritating and so they deserved the slight. Others mentioned reasons such as the dreadful qualities of pride and control which were exhibited in the other person. Still others ascertain a troublemaker quality in the ostracized person.
I think there could be endless discussions about fear because it consumes a huge part of our lives. We all fear so many things that they are too many to count. We fear our meetings with the relatives. We want the right look, the right words, and to project the right meaning. We worry if our gift is appropriate. We worry about the meaning of the gifts we receive. We fear an other’s remark or jokes or slights. We tense at another’s body language and question someone’s mood.
Even having the best relationships with family, we still fight to maintain control of our thoughts and feelings. We all want to be number one, and second place is never comfortable. I am working on making it satisfying. I remember as a young adult, visiting family at a wedding or gathering. I was always the one to be present when a relative needed me, or needed to talk. My siblings appeared randomly, yet I sought them after first. It was hurtful to miss out on the talks, because my siblings overshadowed me. They got the attention, big hugs and kisses, and the plans to get together. In the meantime, I was basically out in the cold and unnoticed. At the next function, of course, I would be the only attendee and the relatives were glad to see me.
When we fear, we are defeated. We pay a price for what might never happen. We waste the present for a conjured up future. We doubt our own ability for a brighter day. Most of us are too busy living in the future and have little time to enjoy the present. Measuring ourselves against others is a waste of time. It only encourages despondency.
Not that we cannot measure up to others. It is simply because we perceive an answer that is truly clouded in a shroud of mystery. We are making it up as we go along. We have another’s life envisioned in our minds and expanded beyond truth. We pay the price of envy and jealousy by fearing our own inabilities and destroying our own striving towards success. In effect, we have given up the fight and surrendered before we began the challenge.
Gifts are kind of like that. We may have been disappointed, but I would venture that others probably were unhappy with the gifts we gave. Some people grumble to the world, which is a bad idea because the negativity bounces back at us. Other people expect a return and still others pretend they liked the gift and then give it away or re-gift it. We all have our disappointments. If we want to complain about it to others, we are making it bigger than it needs to be and giving life to an unimportant issue.
We search for things all the time. We can never seem to get everything by the end of the day. Maybe if I try harder tomorrow or give up some lunch time or get out earlier from work or get up earlier, etc. We’re all lacking time, yet we are not so worried about time. It’s as if we want all there is in the time we get in a day.
If you ask a wife or a husband what they would like from their spouse, it will most likely be time alone. Children ask parents to watch, look listen help and play. On the worst day at work, we might think about when it is time to go home and see our loved ones. The key word is time yet we abuse it, misuse it and waste it. When we get time, we forget all the good thoughts we had about what is important in our lives and instead focus on what we should or need to do. So we understand the problem, but what is the answer?
As I listened to the news about another person suing someone for something, I was astounded. I wondered if we lost the capacity to accept blame. If this is true, then we have lost responsibility, accountability and maturity. When, I thought, is it our fault?
Nobody likes to be at fault at home work or when we are on our own time. We feel diminished, with a lack of authority and control. Actually, we prove our lack of power when we can never accept guilt for anything because deciding means making mistakes and taking liability. One can’t have control without the blame for the outcome. Being the chief comes with its downside.
Many of us have already set New Year’s resolutions. Most of us would agree that we will most likely not achieve them. That is the problem. If you think you can’t achieve a goal, then you are probably correct. In order to attain anything, we need to believe we can do it. Most things we set our mind to do, we can do. Believing we can is the factor. Often the goals are too difficult or unrealistic to achieve immediately or without setbacks along the way. As a result, we release our goals and efforts as soon as we cave. This is a mistake. We accomplished nothing great the first time trying. Think about the baby steps. Every time we succeeded a bit more than the day before.
I have recently been the recipient of 3 young peoples’ cries for help. It seems to be an epidemic. Young people get so lost in their unhappiness and powerlessness that they spiral downward quickly. Maybe it is time for all of us to recognize the needs and implores of others. Sometimes, through helping another, we can also help ourselves. So many feel trapped in an existence that they cannot control or change. Of course this isn’t always the case, but if one believes it to be true, then for all intents and purposes it is. We need to break the spiral by recognizing the triggers sooner and intervening.