When we think about rejection, we recall friendships and boyfriends and girlfriends. Upon our loss of any kind, we review what we did and said and how others interacted with us. Many times we are left with feelings of guilt, remorse and we become determined to refrain from repeating what we perceive as the mistakes. How guilty we make ourselves believe. Even when others hurt us we somehow manage to turn it around and blame ourselves for the agonizing results.
Discussing how one has been reflecting or meditating is not usually a topic of conversation at a gathering. If a person mentions any kind of rumination, it sometimes causes an uneasiness in others. It certainly is something to reflect on. Why would anyone be against thinking? For most people, pondering anything seems to be non-existent. I am not trying to be critical because I always make excuses why I don’t have the time to meditate or do a check on conscience. I am concerned at our reasons and what the results are from so many people not having time to contemplate their words and actions.
Commitment always brings about the fear. Just the word will make most of us cringe. I think women, as well as men, are nervous when they hear the word spoken. As much as I am a spontaneous person, and always willing to go along with someone’s agenda, I hate to be tied down to commitments of any kind. I even end my doctor’s visits, upon receiving the card for my next appointment, with the words, “I’ll call and change it if I can’t make it.” I can’t remember many times I had to change it, but the relief I feel, knowing I can switch it, is a stress reliever.
I will hurt inside, cry later in the privacy of my home, laugh at the absurdity, and never show my sensitivity to those who are deliberately attempting to bring me pain. When I release my hurt and agony alone, I actually feel the vulnerability dissipate and the strength replace the anguish. I truly stand taller and although the ache is still within, the knowledge of my power to overcome such pain is a relief.
Spite holds us all hostage throughout our lives. We suffer emotional unkindness from others purposefully and perhaps not purposefully. The emotions this kind of behavior triggers are difficult to control. It pushes us over the edge and into a malevolent reaction towards the transgressor which is more forceful than the original hurt we endured. In order to get spitefulness under control, it requires the need to face the vindictiveness head on so that we don’t give in to viciousness ourselves.
There is little question or debate. We have become an offended people. It appears to be impossible to state anything or discuss anything without the need to sprinkle words like perhaps, maybe; I don’t mean, there are exceptions, etc. I say and do these things myself but honestly, is it against the rules to speak honestly without offending someone?
It is offensive to call Native Americans Indians. I don’t totally understand why except apparently Indians mean I am insulting them. I hear people slip and use certain similar unmentionable words, and I have not had a bad thought about people or things. I felt that those people who decide on such rules are the ones caught up in the prejudice that the words are tied to.
How true it is that young or old, the search for love consumes us. I think that brings on frustration, disappointment, anger, bereavement, loss and fear. The need for love is stronger than any other need. I remember during a psychology course many years ago, there was an experiment about how animals search and need love. They used monkeys, and I don’t recall the details, but I remember they were comparing the monkey’s requirement for love versus their need for food. They wanted to prove which was the more powerful need. The surprising findings, even to the scientists performing the study, was that monkeys chose love over food.
The holidays are coming and you can already feel the anxiety. We all have it yet think we are the only ones sensing the stress. Some of us hide our fear better than others, but without a doubt none of us like being criticized or gossipped about when the occasion is over. Our reality differs from what another experiences. None of us comprehend the total meaning behind words, actions or gifts and we fret about our own situation unaware of the bombs we drop on others.
We are so controlled by our thoughts that they might as well be chains. I am inclined to believe that our bad habits are because of our inability to stop, alter, or even think about them. We can’t stop or won’t because as long as we keep our summary of what is within our ability to change, it allows us to keep repeating and doing whatever is a nasty habit or action because it isn’t in our power to stop it. It gives us the green light to do as we want because we can’t help it, so we profess. Somehow it requires some special force to alter situations.