I can’t speak for others but I know I frequently develop awesome ideas and worthy plans only to have them tossed by the wayside like moldy bread. I don’t have the time to think about the loss of a good thing because I continue doing what I need to do and perhaps encounter another brilliant notion that likely will end up in the same place as the other ideas.
It occurred to me how many times my good intention was just a dream that was never realized. I consider why some designs don’t become a reality. I recall how many people I promised to call, have a lunch date, or visit for a short while just to say hello. It would mean so much to me if I could pull these things off yet I rarely do. I am caught up in my well intentioned plans that never go anywhere.
There is so much talk, about allowing other people to define who we are. I wondered why we never observe the good qualities within us. It is time to admire, and appreciate ourselves. The greatest road to anxiety, and depression, is to believe you are not worthy, can’t accomplish things and are a useless person.
This belief in your low opinion of self, is based on the estimations of others.It begins as a thought, and within a short time, travels throughout your brain. It finishes by convincing you, that you are behind in life, and likely will never catch up. I suppose it isn’t so much the sentiments others express to us, that makes us feel this way, as much as it is our negative perceptions about ourselves. The more we hear only the negative estimations, the greater the chance of us feeling defeated.
None of us likes to be out of control nor have things out of control. Yet, our technology has totally gotten well beyond the limits. We all fight for power and freedom along with liberty, but perhaps media and technology has deprived us of all of this. I believe it is manipulating, and has lulled us into an addictive type of need and love.
I use the word love because most of us can’t spend a long time away from our “Stuff”. Anyone with the tiniest bit of techno savvy is seen holding something within their hands. Some people almost appear desperate as they cling to their I- phones, I-pads and whatever. Most people have already inculcated their kids into the habit. A child as young as two might be seen holding a device and pressing buttons.
As we review our lives since the beginning or even over the past year, we might think of the happy times, but I fear most of us dwell on those moments of pain. It seems to be human nature, to want to make all things perfect in our lives. No matter how wonderful the year might have been, we review what went wrong during the difficult times.
Told to do our best from the time we understood what that meant, programs us to strive for goals, attainment, wealth and achievement. This leaves us working hard, for those who dare to take up the challenge. We have become “A one” personalities so to speak. We find as much fault in ourselves, as we find in others. It leaves us with feelings of insecurity, self doubt, distrust and a damaging notion of dissatisfaction.
Here we go again attempting to explain what we meant by our recent discourse. The person misinterpreted our meaning. I would not doubt for a second, how many times we are caught in such a situation. We just don’t grasp the implications from our interactions with others. The result is bewildering and hurt feelings. Misunderstandings and long time rifts of one sort or another are inevitable.
How do we complicate the meaning of what others are trying to say and how do others misinterpret our words and bring doubt and mistrust into the relationship. We grasp what we want in any of our conversations. Our misunderstanding of the encounter, causes us to choose a negative review of the incident. We dwell on the tiniest insult while ignoring any praise. We have set ourselves up for failure.
Continually attempting to please others, is likely the most difficult job we all work at constantly. All our boasts about not caring if someone likes it or not, are just nonsense. Deep down we want to make others happy. All of us work at making the grade, and becoming number one, in the eyes of another. What I have found is that it becomes impossible, to be the number one for any length of time. As hard as we work at it, eventually it wears us down, and I am not even sure others are totally aware of the game we are playing. They are too busy playing their version of it.
I never plan on being reproachful, but at times the truth blurts out of my mouth, and of course feelings are hurt. I am so sensitive myself, and loathe direct remarks, yet to correct it in myself is not easy. Sometimes I get the laughs, like I can’t believe you just said that. We all handle censure in various ways. I am working on thinking before sharing.
So many of us merely exist, and we focus on when we’ll die instead of living. We wonder constantly where we are going. Likely we would not recognize where we wanted to go. We make more plans than ever before, yet accomplish less. We set goals we never reach, and worry about insignificant issues. We fear what might happen, worry about what we have already done, dread what others think about us, yet never contemplate what we think about ourselves. Outwardly we brag about our accomplishments, inwardly we are insecure. Our good times are spoiled with thoughts of what is wrong or missing about the setting. But we refuse to appreciate what is right and happy about our environment.
As I age I find I am still trying to separate myself from some instilled negative ways of living. Having brought this dilemma to the attention of others throughout my life, I have found most if not all of us suffer from observing the cycles of negative behavior displayed by others in our environment. Aggression that is found in some family atmospheres tends to bring out our own aggression. Passive aggression observed from a parent’s way of dealing with anger or frustration teaches us how to use these tools as needed in retaliation, survival or whatever. Bullying, competition found in full bloom teaches us power and control in a negative manner and jealousy.